( I slipped up--- cut due to possibly trigger for some ) I'm going to start to heal again. I'm not going to count days.... I end up putting too much emphasis on the days & I set myself up for failure. I realize now that this isn't as easy as just making the decision to quit. It's going to be a constant battle somedays & it may never get easier... but I pray that it will. Relapse IS a part of Recovery. I think that is something that has been particularly hard for me to accept. Slip-ups are going to happen, but it doesn't mean all hope is lost and healing isn't taking place. But it's still hard to deal with. I don't know if I sure be feeling more guilty than I am about slipping up. I feel a bit guilty. I feel a bit selfishly sick. But, I still feel as though I want to get better, and I'm not a horrible person... I'm just not a well person.  Anyone have any words of advice or encouragement about how I can look at these slip-ups and not let them get me down? How can I acknowledge them but not let them own me?

I used to be active in this community a few years ago when things were really tough for me, but as I got older, I didn't have time to be on the computer so much.  But I will get to my point.  Now, I'm 19, but still stuck emotionally where I used to be active here around 14/15 years old.  Now in a long-term relationship, I feel that if I start to cut again, he will feel it's his fault.  But right now, I just have the overwhelming feeling that all of us know: I need to cut; I need to see the blood drip, you know?

But I'm an "adult" now and I can't play it off as some sort of teenage phase.  I don't know how to find help or who to turn to.  The feelings I feel aren't familiar to my boyfriend.  He does not understand it at all, supportive he is, but you don't understand until you get sucked into the cycle yourself.

I guess I just want to express how I feel to people that understand, to feel part of something bigger than me.  Thanks.